Song of the day for dreaming

Did you ever wish you were someone else?  Picture your life in the greatest fantasy fulfilled?  Whatever it was that took you to the moon or over a rainbow.

This song reminds me of that dreaming.  Everyone likes a Sunday morning.  One fantasy I have is that I own  a rent controlled apartment in Greenwich village, New York.  Sunday morning I wake up as the sun blazes in through the tall floor to ceiling windows the light splashes across the wood floors.  I sit down to write a few more paragraphs in my burgeoning novel, while my shiny  expresso machine grinds and foams a large head on a 2 shot cappaccino.  Then I scurry across the floor barefoot and  put this cd on letting the music fill my apartment and my head as I get a self fulfilling buzz courtesy of South Africa.  I then head out into the most beautiful day I ever seen, the sky couldn't get any bluer or the clouds any fluffier, making me believe that their may be a god after all,  and down to the local bakery.  To pick up some delicious French pastries you know the kind, flaky, moist, filled with some exotic jelly or cream cheese whatever your preference.   I buy some triple cream French cheese :) and a large baguette right out of the oven for a late lunch.  Back down the street passing lovers laughing and people walking their dogs.  Passing vendors selling their rainbow colored impressionist paintings of the city in their own personal fantasy.  As I pass we smile at each other happy that it's Sunday morning!

Sunday morning rain is falling 
Steal some covers share some skin 
Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable 
You twist to fit the mold that I am in 
But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do 
And I would gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew 
That someday it would lead me back to you 
That someday it would lead me back to you 

(Chorus) 
That may be all I need 
In darkness she is all I see 
Come and rest your bones with me 
Driving slow on sunday morning 
And I never want to leave 
 ]
(Verse 2) 
Fingers trace your every outline 
Paint a picture with my hands 
Back and forth we sway like branches in a storm 
Change the weather still together when it ends 

(Chorus) 
That may be all I need 
In darkness she is all I see 
Come and rest your bones with me 
Driving slow on sunday morning 
And I never want to leave 

(Bridge) 
But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do 
Sunday morning rain is falling and I'm calling out to you 
Singing sunday it'll bring me back to you 
Find a way to bring myself back home to you 

And you may not know 

(Chorus) 
(Chorus) 
That may be all I need 
In darkness she is all I see 
Come and rest your bones with me 
Driving slow on Sunday morning and I sometimes want to leave. 

Yeah, yeah,... flower in your hair... 


Till copyright comes to get me

Prevalence of Hep A in Brazil

English: Geographic distribution of Hepatitis A prevalence (Anti-HAV-Antibody), 2005

   High : prevalence higher than 8%

   Intermediate : between 2% and 7%

   Low : less than 2%

Deutsch: Weltweite Prävalenz der Hepatitis A (anhand der Anti-HAV-Antikörper), 2005

   Hoch : Prävalenz höher als 8%

   Mittel : zwischen 2% und 7%

   Niedrig : weniger als 2%

Français : Répartition géographique de l'hépatite A, 2005

   Haute : prévalence supérieure à 8%

   Moyenne : entre 2% et 7%

   Basse : inférieure à 2%

This is a map of the prevalence of Hepatitis A in the world.  The highest rates are in maroon.

As you can see Hepatitis A has mostly been eradicated in all 1st world countries, they are colored grey.

Hepatitis A is an acute infectious disease of the liver that is usually spread by the fecal oral route; transmitted person to person by ingestion of contaminated food or water or through direct contact with a person infected.   (Restaurant workers that do not wash their hands well after going to the bathroom).

In a lot of developing countries with poor sanitation its most prevalent-  i.e poo bins

Makes you wonder why Brazil still does not have adequate plumbing in public restrooms to ensure peoples disgusting bodily fluids and fecal matter get flushed down the toilet.  They have trash receptacles that you put your soiled tissue into.  You could call them shit bins.  I wonder which parts of the country are still doing this so I can up my daily dose of xanax medication when I get there.   I know Rio does.  So hypothetically if you go to the bathroom then wipe yourself (especially if you have been drinking) and drop a tissue in the bin and your hand accidentally scrapes up against another person's toilet tissue that has contaminated fecal matter on it?  And lets assume that you are smart enough to REALLY REALLY wash your hands.  Not just wet and go.  I  mean a good down-home LATHER, I mean get the clorox bleach out.  And lets assume that it (the shit) may not all get washed off or that you missed a spot its not an exact science after all.  Then if you eat afterward or somehow your hand comes in contact with your mouth you could possibly get Hep A.  And lets face it some people don't even wash their hands.  Come to think of it this would be a good anti drinking and anti restaurant ad.  The "NO drinking" for the part where your out having a few drinks and you catch a nice buzz and all your worries are drifting away with the nice cool Brazilian breeze and your swaying side to side as your making your way to the next  bar when you realize shit! I need to take a p*ss and you make your way to one of the many public bathrooms in Brazil.  You can hardly see straight and the toilet looks like its moving in front of you, but somehow your not going to touch the huge pile of white fluffy tissue that is teetering on a mound of more white tissue all covered in someone's SHIT............ well you get my drift.   I mean looking at that map and the numbers what do you think the percentages are for restaurant workers who make and deliver your food having Hep A?  Pretty good right?   So to be safe you should probably assume everyone has it.  That's not too relaxing when your out spending you hard earned money on some Brazilian shindig  at your local restaurant.  Soon you'll be missing "The Outback" back in the States and biting your tongue.   Also think about young children who don't yet understand good hygiene habits.  I would not let them go the bathroom anywhere public where this goes on.  I'll let you imagination run wild from here if your not ready to hurl your lunch in a the nearest toilet.


Vigilance is key here!

Side note --These stats are from 2005 and there are some regions of Brazil where the rate will be higher and some regions where the rate will be lower.  And obviously not everyone has Hepatitis A.

Exploiting only the GOOD LIFE

There are a decent number of expat blogs on Brazil although I have yet to find any from the South of Brazil specifically Parana, Santa Caterina, and Rio Grande De Sul.  I think it’s because there is less migration from the South of Brazil to the US so less marriages and moving.  My husband believes this is because the South of Brazil has a better standard of living so most people don't feel the need to escape their situation.  Finding these other blogs was great for someone like me who really needed to understand what I was getting myself into.  I remember when I find out I was moving there I was so happy to find these few blogs.  They have helped me so much.  I like hearing about people's experiences in life. BUT with some of the blogs when you find out their back story you feel kind of gypped.   In my opinion their experiences are not 100% authentic.

What I mean is this special set of expat bloggers are only staying in Brazil for a short period of time.   Its starts out with these expats living a comfortable 1st world life in the US that they never intend on downgrading.  Usually the husbands company has an international division that decides they need someone in Brazil to expand the business.  The company offers what is basically and all-expense paid extended vacation to the family.  The company pays for everything and helps with the relocation.  It’s always a major city such as Rio De Janeiro or Sao Paulo.  They pay for the shipping of their household goods, pay for their insurance (the good insurance) and its private so they can go to the best expat hospitals; the company gives them an allowance per month for housing, sometimes they get a company car, and other miscellaneous allowances.  They get all the benefits of their US company helping to guide them through this maze of foreign exchanges.   Then upon arrival they (usually the wife) set up a blog and talk about the trials and tribulations of living abroad.  They act as if they are living in the real Brazil.    When I find out their backstory I always feel disappointed.  I feel gypped.  How can you really be experiencing what it’s like to live in Brazil if you are on basically what I perceive to be an extended vacation?   These job assignments are almost always a couple of years so they know when they are leaving before they touch down on the tarmac.   To me that’s a wee bit of cheating, you’re not dealing with the reality I live in Brazil.  Its a company sponsored field trip.  You get to experience the best that Brazil has to offer.

Brazil is not going to become your reality and if you asked most of them they don't want Brazil to be their reality.   Isn't that an easier way of handling cultural and economic differences? How would these attitudes change if the person had to live there permanently or indefinitely?   In other words your not their for research, not there to pump up there resume's with glamorous foreign language and job experience, not there for backpacking and photography, not there for school, but really there to live.  Because maybe you’re married to a Brazilian man/woman who can't stay in the US or your husband/wife really wants to move home.  When you marry a foreigner you're marrying their country too, something I didn't realize at at the time.  

On the flip side most Brazilians who get a visa to the US have to prove they have assets. The American consulate is not a benevolent master.  You have to qualify for their lifestyle standards such as a good job in Brazil, a business, and a nice home something that will bring them back.  That knocks out about 80% of the population.  Ask any Brazilian of modest means visas to the US are hard to get.  Americans don't realize how easy life is for them.  Americans can basically go anywhere on the globe they want.  Poor in Brazil means something totally different than poor in America.  A lot of Brazilians live a really tough life.  I know all this first hand because I have met the poor Brazilians from areas such as Mines Gerais, Sao Paulo, Rio, and Amazonas.  A lot of them don't want to go back.  There are simply no opportunities for decent employment.  Most of them didn't even have cars before coming to the US, let alone laptops or IPhones.

I'm not trying to offend anyone I am just simply saying that I think when it comes to real life.  You have to really live it to give good advice.  I mean you can tell me how long the lines are and what it’s like at the grocery store, how the food is.  But you’re probably going to be more positive about the experience because it’s an adventure for you an exciting exotic long vacation.  

Like my Brazilian husband says "my people go to your country to wash toilets, wash dishes, pick fruit, and do hard labor; Your people come to my country to do the coveted jobs, or set up businesses exploiting the "best of my country."    "These are things most Brazilians don't get to experience Americans are spoiled you have the best of both worlds, and sometimes it pisses me off."

And to this I say isn't that in typical colonial fashion?

Sleep deprivation as sighted on the Internet. Is the condition of not having enough sleep, it can either be chronic (as in my case) or acute.  It adversely affects the brain and cognitive function (great)  complete absence of sleep over long periods is impossible for humans to achieve (unless they suffer from fatal familial insomnia); brief micro sleeps cannot be avoided.  Long term sleep deprivation has caused death in lab animals.   LOL!

I am a big sleeper.   Love sleep, love bed.  Pretty much my whole life I have slept over 8.  Always wanting to stay in bed feeling comfortable.  When I was a teenager sometimes I slept till 2 in the afternoon.  I could hear my stepmother down in the kitchen bitching to my father how all I do is sleep (bitch).  I am not a morning person.  I hate morning especially cold wintery mornings before school.  I could sleep easy till 10.00 am.  I could also sleep for over 10 hours easy, I can also and did frequently before the baby came take long Saturday and Sunday after noon naps.   Oh just thinking about a nice rainy Sunday afternoon curling up with a book and a good movie in that nice 700 thread count Hungarian goose down comforter.

"Oh heaven I'm in heaven, And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak and I seem to find the happiness I seek. when I am all comfy and cozy in bed asleep" (thanks Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers)!

No seriously I am getting off track so as you can see I am not a good candidate for sleep deprivation.

My daughter takes not sleeping to another level.  Most nights lately I will put her down and she will sleep for 1 hour and wake up.   Then I MUST nurse her too sleep.  Then down again and wakey!~ wakey! Then down again sometimes 1.5 hours later and sometimes 2 hours later then sometimes 3 hours later she wakes.  It starts as a little whine and pop my eyes open.  I sleep very lite these days.  Its like a roller coaster ride.   What? Its seem I was just up 5 minutes before I thin to myself as I am getting situated to breast feed yet again.  Its brutal.  During the day pretty much the same thing.  Nothing has got better, its gotten worse.  I scream out "I need sleep this is killing me I have not slept literally in 6 months"!!!!  My eyes are burning, my eyelids are like heavy weights trying to force their way down and the constant headaches the cloudy feeling I walk around with all day.

Sometimes I will reminisce about the time she blissfully slept for 12 hours only waking once.  Then I remember the few nights she slept 6 hours straight and I mistakenly thought finally she is going to sleep through the night only be disappointed when the next night she was up again.

So in the beginning when you bring your lovely angel home from the hospital they tell you to wake the baby up to feed.   They tell you to pick the baby up at every cry.  They tell you to love the baby and hold the baby.  This all makes sense of course.  But are we crating habits that can't be broken and what is the alternative?  I would never not go to my daughters cry.  I have heard of some babies sleeping straight through the night.  Like my sisters childhood friend who is bragging about it right now.  She is not waking her baby up maybe that is better.

Everyone told me when the digestive system matures and when she's around 6 mos she should be sleeping through the night.  Sleeping about 14 hours a day.  Well my daughter it seems does not need sleep.  And its killing me. I have reached my precipice and have officially gone over.  I am sure I have changed my brain function and my brain chemistry.  Heck I may not even be the same person I was 6 months ago.

My pediatrician told me last visit to start a sleep routine when I told her my daughters sleep habits.  She started going on about sleep cycles and then I woke up.  No seriously the Doctor said  I need to let her know its the big sleep.  "Do it now she said when she is 9 months it will be that much harder to train her."  "At 6 months they are still pliable."  So what does the training entail?  When all else fails "cry it out."  Basically get the baby ready for bed put her in the bed then walk out and let her cry or scream or screech till she falls asleep.  Have you tried it?  Its barbaric.  Even if she won't remember will it change her?  Their are proponents for and against the "cry it out" method and I have read both.

My cousin's children didn't cry it out because one daughter was too stubborn and the other one would vomit when left to cry.  So she didn't do it and her kids seem fine.  Its nice to find others that are in the same boat.  My sister let her son "cry it out" and it took 3 nights the fist night her son cried for 1.5 HOURS YIKES.  The second night 45 minutes and down from there.  She said it was hard to not go in a pick him up every ten minutes the first night but they stuck it out and voila sleep trained.  I don't know about you but letting my daughter cry for an 1.5 hours. After all I spent the first 6 months creating a bond of trust, now they want me to break it by confusing and terrifying my daughter letting her cry for over an hour?   I mean I set the precedence now I am going to pull the rug out from under her.  It doesn't seem natural something seems wrong.   Plus my daughter gets scared when I have tried for a few minutes sometimes she gets so scared she thinks I am never coming back.  So what did my pediatrician say to that?  Go in and pat her on the back but don't pick her up.   Guess what?  My daughter gets more hysterical when I do that.

So here I am on top the cold mountain alone.  Compounded by the fact that I breastfeed which means my husband can't feed in the middle of the night and relive me anyway.   And since my  husband is working right now I let him sleep in the other room so he can get some sleep.  Its ruff.  But what am I to do what is the alternative?

Just wait it out I guess if I refuse to use the "cry it out" method and what if it didn't work on her anyway.  Then I have to deal.  Hopefully she will grow/mature her way out of it.  In the mean time I have read that sometimes a baby that doesn't like or want to sleep is gifted.   They are too curious, learning and experiencing life to sleep.  So their maybe a plus side to all this.  That will be another hurdle having a baby smarter than me (wink, wink)  :)  Be careful what you wish for.

UPDATE***
                   My daughter who is 15 mos no longer sleeps in her crib she co-sleeps with us.  Which is a whole other topic and new set of problems.

Nostagia my childhood vs his part one

The first movie my father took me to see was the original Walt Disney's Snow White & the Seven Drawfs. It was a special bonding moment . A father holding his daughters hand and a huge container of overpriced popcorn with butter on top. I was about 7 years old. After the movie I promptly became obsessed with Snow White as all girls should. I always liked Snow White better than Cinderella. The next movie that stood out in my mind that he took me to was Star Wars 1977 their were people standing in the isles to watch this movie. The last real father daughter moment I remember having with my father that might have meant something to him was Flashdance 1983. Now if I tell you how old I was I would have to kill you (smile). Lets put is this way I'm from Generation X. And it was cool to be that then. Movies have always been a huge part of the American culural experience for me.

I came from a classic 70's upbringing, my parents were married young my mother was 19 my father 21. They bought my fathers parents house a cute old style New England home with no heat on the second floor. It a back and front porch with a glittering wind-chime that made beautiful ethereal sounds when the summer breeze came through the house, we kept our doors open all summer. On cold mornings when I would get up for school I would run downstairs out of breathe and plop my but down on a old square brown heating vent and let the heat blow up my dress. It was heaven I loved being alone on those mornings before everyone woke up. Then they divorced when I was 10 like everyone was doing in the 70's. That was hard. But life for me as a kid in America was easy especially up until that point. My father had a good job. I had all the cool toys. I had my own metallic green swing set in the back and a huge grass covered yard to do cartwheels on. I took figure skating. ballet, jazz, and tap lessons. I went private school.

Flash-forward to now, I miss the lilacs, I miss my grandfather, I miss the way the music from the ice cream truck floated over the summer breeze in the distance, I miss riding my banana seat bike. Thinking about it now gives me butterflies. After my parents got divorced things changed, I changed. I missed my father desperately. 

My husband on the other hand at some points in his childhood had no electricity, and sometimes no shoes. He had no toys, no bike, and no Christmas trees. You remember every Christmas going on the hunt for the perfect tree? Decorating it was a family affair. When we were done decorating my father would lift me up high so that I could put his favourite angel on top. My husband didn't have green and red sparkling presents that Santa delivered Christmas Eve. He didn't go sledding on snow days. He didn't have any amazing Christmas sweets and treats. Or the big Christmas dinner listening to Nat King Cole. He never saw any blockbuster hollywood movies. Or had a pair of nikes. Or had an Atari, or played on a swing-set, or went down a water slide. He never went to amusement parks and had pink cotton candy or heard all the people scream on the rides. He never laid on his back and watched fireworks on a large blanket and just dreamed. He never had his days free. Or went out to buy new school clothes and supplies with his mother before the new school year started in September. Or smelled fall as he carried his book-bag to school. Or ran out to the yard at recess. It was different. He never had the freedom to just be a kid. Because his life was tough he had to work and his family didn't have anything. What I had was a MAGIC compared to what he had.

We had polar opposite childhoods and lives in general. I mean its the haves vs. the have nots. And its hard when those differences surface to try and understand where he is coming from. The differences in our backgrounds the differences in standards of living between our countries creates a lot of turmoil. Each of our experiences shaped who we are and what we expect out of life. Its hard to see eye to eye. In the beginning of our relationship I thought these differences are cool, I like that its not a stereotypical relationship. But its proving to be a challenge as time goes on and real life sets in especially when it comes to raising our daughter and what I imagine for her vs what he imagines.

Police commit 15% of all the murders in Rio de Janeiro

I am not going to be moving to Rio, but Brazil is Brazil its one country. Rio police kill and arrest 1 in 23, in Sao Paulo its 1 in 343 and in the US its 1 in around 37,000. 37,000!! The difference is staggering, what happened to protect and serve Rio? How can you live somewhere where you can't trust the police?

Gas and Acid Relux

I am not getting any real sleep these days. She (my baby) has been waking up a lot. For a few nights in a row she will sleep 6 hours straight But then their will be days when she wakes up every 3 hours or even 2.5 even now at 4 months.

I like a lot of sleep. In fact I will admit I love bed. I love sheets, down comforters, I like dreaming, I like watching TV, and hanging out all in my bed. I have always loved laying in bed and sleeping, and since my mother has lived with me for the last 5 years I keep to my room more. I just don't want to run into her in the kitchen. She took over my house (that is for another post).

So anyway. Sometimes my baby has problems with gas. First off babies have an immature digestive system when born. It takes quite a while for it to mature. In the meantime they can freak out when they take a crap, or have gas. I am assuming its painful and scary for them. So when my baby is having a bad day with gas it wakes her up out of her sleep.

Then their was a time in the beginning when my baby was screaming so much that I took her to the emergency room on more than one occasion. Pediatricians don't like that (usually). But my pediatrician had told me if she cries more than 3 hours off and on or straight take her. So I did. I guess they may not like it because they want you to call them first and have them make a decision. But I made the decision. Like I always say "are you paying my bills?" I mean she is my baby her life is in my hands she can't tell me what is wrong with her. I am not taking any chances with my first and maybe my only child. If the pediatricians don't like it they can lump it. The other rule is if she refuses to eat or if her temperature reaches 104 take her. So I took a lot of temperatures.

So I was frantic looking up on line what she could be crying for. I thought she was fed sufficiently. So now what? They talked a lot about gas and acid reflux which is called gastroesophageal reflux. So I started to think she had acid reflux. Her symptoms seemed to match. Constant crying, hiccups, and my husband said he smelt acid on her breathe. And since we thought she was fully fed we started to believe more and more it was acid reflux. I have since switched pediatricians mainly because the original doctor did somethings to piss me off. Like first off acting like her head was up her ass or more like in the clouds. Plus I didn't like the attitude of her team. It was a group of doctors and the woman in charge of insurance was a bitch. My new doctor told me she wants me to call her first BEFORE going to the emergency room again, F off Doc! Maybe I will maybe I won't depends!

I sought out a specialist at children's hospital in Boston one the best in the world. The doctor who was a pediatric gastroenterologist asked what symptoms she was having and gave me a prescription for Prilosec. Now Prilosec is a acid blocker. It stops acid production in the stomach. I was not happy with giving my 1.5 month old this medicine. I mean she is just too young. I had been giving this type of medicine myself years ago but stopped taking it when I read the side effects. But I didn't want her in pain either. And since they don't usually just test for acid reflux on newborns only as a last resort its easier to just assume she has it.

In the meantime at home. I had been having a scary time breastfeeding. It was hell honestly. Harder than pregnancy harder than my c-section. So what I didn't realize then was their was a chance that she was not getting enough food because she had not learned how to properly breastfeed she was not efficient at sucking out the milk yet. My pediatician never mentioned that she may not know how to feed properly and I had been told by my lactation consultants who I met at the hospital and was seeing once week at a group meeting on how to breastfeed not to supplement with formula Why? Because it decreases the babies demand for your milk which decreases milk production. First because you need your body to make enough milk for the baby. And second because your trying to get a rhythm going with breastfeeding. Your body over time regulates itself producing enough milk based on your babies demand. Some women have to stop because they don't breastfeed right and don't make enough milk, its a lot of work. I recommend buying a breast-pump a good one. To keep up milk production.

So I sent in the prilosec prescription to get it filled. Then suddenly my baby had a couple of good days with no crying. So my husband and I wondered if it was acid reflux that was making her cry after all. So I waited a few more days and I breastfeed a lot and my baby stopped crying. And to my horror we both realized it wasn't acid reflux MY BABY WAS HUNGRY!!! She had gotten better at feeding and was now getting enough. See I missed it I thought she was fed. I thought she had had enough so I assumed it was something else. Looking back maybe I should have supplemented like my sister and my cousin did but I was following the rules of my lactation consultants. Now I feel guilty. BUT I now exclusively breast feed and we are at 4 months and a lot of women give up and give formula because the baby keeps crying. I feel like I accomplished something. So in the end it might have worked out in my favor. I want to breast feed till she is at least 1 year old. I want to sacrifice for her even though their are times when it gets hard. Especially when I want caffeine or to take a xanax (like right now) LOL.

The moral of this story, feed first! If the baby keeps crying keep feeding even if your tits are ready to fall off! You can't gauge how much the baby has eaten with breastfeeding you don't see the ounces. You don't know. And formula is thicker and satisfies the baby for longer periods of time. Its easier to see results. Breast-milk is thinner and digests faster. So keep feeding then and only then can you look for another problem