I had an interesting morning. I went to the neighborhood health clinic. There was a young girl who had dyed blonde hair tied in a tight ponytail. She had electric blue eyes and what looked like boils on her face. I knew immediately she was a meth head and a heroin addict and she was chomping at the bit for a hit. When the lady called her to the window the girl said trying to muffle her voice "I was told to come here for a syringe". The lady promptly told her she didn't know what she was talking about, and then the girl said "Oh well out front told me to come here, but let me go double check.” I think the lady was just giving her a hard time which I didn't like. Then the girl came back and whispered "No it's here they said.” Then a young black women said "You need an id.” And apparently she didn't have one, so she started going around the waiting room asking different people if they had an id. Two people said no then she got to me. Now I pride myself on not being an ass-hole. I don't like people who judge others, and I always stand-up for the underdog.
"What’s the syringe for?" I asked "It’s for diabetes" she replied. I would rather her use clean needles instead of spreading HIV and other blood diseases around. But then I got an image of her slumped in some dirty half way house eyes wide, mouth open, with a syringe hanging out of her arm and I'm the syringe bearer? So I said "No sorry I don't want to be involved with giving out a syringe.” Then she said "They don't take down your license information." But I was already spooked her ghost was standing right in front of me, yet somehow I still felt like an ass-hole. Why does doing what you think is the right thing sometimes feel so wrong? Anyway she found someone else another addict who had an id to get the needle for her. After she walked off I looked at some guy who was standing against the wall and shook my head thinking what the fuck the poor girl needs help and he said “She didn't look like any diabetic I've ever seen, she looked like a little crack whore.” See there they go again people judging others. I have been known in the past to be pretty blunt when it’s something I believe in but now I pick and choose my battles. I have done my fair share of drugs and I have quite an array of juicy stories but luckily for me I never fell into the abyss.
I hope that girl finds her way, and stops ruining her life and her face. It’s really sad, drug addicts are so desperate they cling to life like they are hanging on the side of a cliff by their fingertips wanting, longing, for their next hit, selling their souls, giving over their temple to the dark demons that reek havoc in their head. You try to reach them but it’s like they are being pulled under by some unseen force. In a big dark whirlpool they keep circling and every time you get a hand on them they slip through your fingers again and all you can do is watch them slowly drown. The sad part is they are usually talented intelligent people even more so than the posers who only think they have their shit together. The start off self-medicating to forget the pain, and it feels good to get high, but then it slowly strangles you with its long wretched fingers. As time goes on they are so numb they don't even remember what its like to be human. Life is always just a puff or hit away from being someone else’s memory and those that loved them are part of a distant life they no longer recognize.